Barnaby here. I’ve been around the block a time or two (literally, just today), so I just wanted to share my wisdom with some of you younger pups. And, maybe some of your older pups who are curious. Grab a bone, hop up on the couch, and spin in circles a few times until you’re comfortable enough to plop down and read on.
Do your humans make you sit for a snack? Mine do! It took me a solid three years to figure out why my butt had to touch the floor in order for me to get a dang Snausage! Grudgingly, for the first three years of my life, I parked my tuchus on the cold tile floor for a measly morsel. Okay, maybe it was worth it… but why? I’ll tell ya.
From Wolves To Wool Sweaters
They want us to be like them. They want us to assimilate into their culture. Listen up! Our ancestors were wolves. They roamed the Earth free from human control. Our ancestors lived and died by the pack code of honor. They didn’t have to sit for a silly sliver of Pupperoni! Over the years, humans have domesticated us. They have slowly taken away our liberties. First, they made us start doing their hunting for them. Then they made us live in their homes. They took away our dens and broke up our packs, and now here we are in 2020 having bows put in our hair to go to the mall!
Many of us are even scared of thunder now! In my day, we didn’t need “last call” potty trips before a thunderstorm came in. We didn’t have fancy chew-proof toys free of plastics and dyes. We had sticks! Sticks that we found in the wild. AND WE LOVED THEM.
Whew. Okay. I’m getting heated. Let me breathe for a second. My mom took me to this class downtown where they taught me how to do deep breathing, and it’s really helped me align my chakras. Just a little dab of this patchouli behind the ears, and I’ll calm right down.
Essential Oil This Knowledge Bomb
Now, where was I? Ah, yes. The humans want to control us.
Like I was saying, they make us sit for a snack because they want us to continue to align with their culture and beliefs. They sit at the table to eat, but oddly enough, they yell at us when we try to join them! They also make us shake paws, rollover and even “speak.” Speak? Really?! But we aren’t even allowed to sniff a good butt half the time! Do you know how many times I could have saved my human from bad relationships if she had just let me take a whiff? Humans make no sense sometimes.
Have you ever heard of Smoky the Yorkie who served in World War II? Smoky was on leave when my grandfather met him in an alley in Luxembourg in 1945. Smoky told him this:
“The supreme art of war is to sniff out evil.”
It doesn’t take a degree in barkology to figure out what he was trying to say.
You Can’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks
My human is trying to teach me how to play dead now. You read that right. Dead. This woman wants me to play dead just so I can have a little snacky snack. I don’t get it because she knows you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I heard her say that to her fiance just last week a few minutes after they kicked me out of the bedroom.
So, what are we going to do about it? Absolutely nothing. We are going to embrace it with a wagging tail because our humans love us. They take good care of us, and there are many pups who wish they had a mom or dad to rub their paws after a long day at the park. If it strokes their ego to shake our paws, then so be it. They should be honored to shake our paws anyway.
Gotta go! Mom’s yelling at me that we’re late for our Pilates class!
Stay tuned for my next rant: Squeaky Toys – How Many Do we Have To Destroy To Make Our Point?
Barnaby signing off.
Featured Photo: Unsplash.com
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